WHEN MEMORIES RETURNED: A JOURNEY OF HEALING THROUGH WRITING
They say writing can be healing, but sometimes, it takes courage just to begin. For Cami Sora, the author of Isang Daang Pulang Lobo, this book grew from a difficult season: a diagnosis, memories that returned after many years, and a simple prayer that gave her work a name.
Here, she shares the honest story behind Isang Daang Pulang Lobo, and how one title became the start of her healing journey.
Why did you choose the red balloon as your main symbol? Why “one hundred” red balloons? Is there a special meaning behind that number?
I wanted to be as honest as I can about how this book came to be. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and severe depression last February. My medications were changed from time to time. From April to June, my weight fluctuated rapidly because I stopped eating properly, and my doctor wasn’t happy about that, so he changed my medications again.
One of those medicines gave me vivid nightmares. But those nightmares were actually traumas I had carried since childhood. Slowly, memories I had hidden away for so long began to resurface. My doctor and my sister encouraged me to journal everything down. But I thought, what if I turned this into a book instead? So I prayed. I said, “God, if You want me to do this, I’m asking You for a title. I believe it should come from You.”
I waited. After two weeks, it simply crossed my mind. When I started writing, the very first words I wrote were the title itself: Isang Daang Pulang Lobo. I thought I was finished once I reached a hundred, but more memories continue to resurface.
The balloon here is described as fragile hope and fleeting childhood. What does the image of a balloon floating away mean to you personally?
The balloons and their colours have their own meanings. When I was in Israel, they use blue balloons to celebrate the 13th birthday. While on funerals, we use white. Personally, the image of the balloon floating away is a celebration of life, whether we celebrate it as an addition to the age or a life that was fought hard and fairly here on Earth. It is also a freedom from the things that are not good that binds us.
The book speaks of memories that time cannot erase. How did you weave that gentle truth into something as simple and tender as a balloon?
Memories really are like a balloon. It stays. Some losses it’s gas and dies. But some memories are meant to let go. I believe that people do not recognize the fact that they are carrying balloons which slows them.
Who were you thinking of as you wrote these pages?
Well, I’m thinking of Yangyang, my childhood era. Diana, my breadwinner era. Ma’am Diane on my Entrepreneur era and Dee who’s depressed. Also, of course, my family.
What would you want to say to someone who is watching their own red balloon float away right now?
Well, I wanted to congratulate them. It’s not easy to let go and watch these red balloons gone, but there is healing in this process, forgiving oneself and others who hurt them.
